Holidays have a way of coming with expectations, especially when it comes to holiday traditions we’ve carried for years. The food, the schedule, the guest list, even how the day is supposed to feel can start to feel locked in, whether or not it still fits real life.
In a recent episode of Rollin’ With the Dolans, we talked about why flexibility matters during the holidays and how letting go of rigid expectations often leads to more joy.
When Holiday Traditions Stop Matching the Season You’re In
For a long time, Thanksgiving at our house meant hosting. And when we say hosting, we mean hosting. Kids, grandkids, noise, food, and a full house. That rhythm worked for years and became part of how our family celebrated.
This year looked different.
Our 21-year-old got married the week before Thanksgiving, and at one point we had close to 15 people staying in the house. We were still working, still managing life, and by the time Thanksgiving arrived, we were simply tired.
Instead of forcing ourselves to recreate the usual setup, we made a different choice.
We went to a movie and out to dinner with two of our kids.
At first, everyone hesitated. “It’s just the four of us?” But by the end of the night, everyone was relaxed, dressed up, and genuinely enjoying the experience. What felt like a deviation ended up becoming one of our most peaceful Thanksgivings in a long time.
Sometimes a tradition doesn’t need to be repeated to be meaningful.
Why Flexibility Changes the Experience
One thing we talked about on the podcast is how rigidity can quietly drain joy from moments that are meant to feel special.
Patrick shared how having a fixed picture of how a holiday “should” go can make it harder to enjoy what’s actually happening. When people lock expectations in place, even small changes feel disappointing.
Flexibility shifts that dynamic.
You don’t have to abandon everything. Patrick still ran his Thanksgiving morning race. We still had dessert at home. We just let the rest of the day unfold without pressure.
That small shift changed the entire experience.
Expectations, Pressure, and Holiday Blues
We also talked about holiday blues, something many people feel but don’t always talk about openly.
For some, it’s loneliness. For others, it’s exhaustion. Often, it’s the pressure to recreate past experiences exactly as they were, even when life, energy levels, or family dynamics have changed.
When expectations stay rigid, disappointment shows up quickly. That’s when people start feeling worse during the holidays instead of better.
Connection matters more than perfection. Getting out of the house, being around people, going to a movie, running a race, or even sitting in a busy restaurant can change the tone of the day.
Joy doesn’t always come from doing things the same way. Sometimes it comes from staying present.
You’re Allowed to Let Things Change
If there’s one thing we hope people take away from this conversation, it’s this, you’re allowed to let things change.
- You’re allowed to say, “This year looks different.”
- Rest is allowed.
- Simplifying is allowed.
- And enjoying what works now matters.
Traditions should support people, not create pressure.
If you want to hear the full discussion, including how we’re thinking about Christmas this year and why plans may still shift, you can listen to the full episode of Rollin’ With the Dolans, “Letting Holiday Traditions Bend Without Losing the Joy.”